I'm such a fuck-up. 

Didn't sleep last night, paced my room from ten till six, then went and had a shower so hot my skin went red-raw. At least it washed the tears from my face. I wish it could wash out my soul, scrub at my insecurities until they're nothing but salt-and-pepper spots.

I don't want to be me anymore. 
I wish I could find some rewind button that I could use to find that time when living didn't hurt so much.
I want to rewind and punch in the face of the guy who sexually abused me.
I want to rewind and not listen to those 12-year-old bitches who called me such horrible names, and I want to mute out the voice of my stepfather who does the same.
I want to rewind to our car crash, and jump in front of my mother so I was the one who got the brain damage.
I want to rewind to when I was five, before I was moved me to a different country, before I arrived where I never belonged.
I want to rewind to when my dad wasn't such a workaholic, when he used to hide lollies in the newspaper and dance through the raindrops.

I don't want to live like this anymore =[

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